#hometruths The Parenting Why’s Series – episode 1 “Why do your kids hate each other?”


Ah yes even the word hometruth is enough to make most recoil. Our culture is great at that behind closed doors thing, We don’t share the misery and we certainly don’t discuss family business. Actually I think facebook put paid to that. (Oh I love old odd sayings) Over sharing is caring. So in the spirit of my new Parenting Why’s Series – it’s time to ask an oldy but a goody….

‘Why do your kids hate each other?’ Prefer video? Watch here https://www.facebook.com/Mindtoolsforkids/videos/1409004415858079/

Why do your kids compete, jostle, argue and generally act like they hate each other? Well, there are few key reasons why and they may not be what you think…

1. Most kids, (actually most people) think they are mind readers. They believe they know what others are thinking and feeling. The truth is that we can only really know our own experience of the world. The sooner they let go of Mystic Meg complex the better. They will become more present, engaged and more inclined to question rather than assume.

2. Kids can’t help but take things personally. They are learning about how they fit in with the wider world and part of that involves developing their own self image. They aren’t aware of the many external factors that effect adult lives. They will often think that parental stuff is their fault or that family/sibling tension is about them. Part of their growth is to learn that the world is bigger than them.

3. Communication isn’t a thing, its a process. That involves doing, relating and flexibility. It isn’t just about what is said, but how it is said. Their pitch, tone, body language and the family environment all add to the success of their communication with their sibling. Go back to basics.

4. You want them to get on. They want your attention. Sibling rivalry. It’s an easy attention grabber. By understanding positive ways to get your attention the situation will improve. It’s a little bit like the new wave of media stars. They believe that any attention is good attention. Help them see that they can go about it another way. Shift your wants and make them about each individual child.

5. Every child is different and opposites don’t always attract. We’ve all experienced being thrown together with someone and having been expected to get on. It’s no different for our kids. Same parent doesn’t equal same personality! We are all different and like to socialise/live/recharge in different ways. If one child likes quiet and reflection and another likes full on chaos and noise, well you know the rest. Help them accept their own personality and respect others differences.

I hope you enjoyed this episodes topic. Help me pick the subject for the next live class. Leave your thoughts and comments on sibling rivalry. Please share this post. Someone out there needs it!

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